LASDI©
Love is a many splendid thing, some say. But love can also be a very scary thing. Allow me to tell you a story about splendid love…and facing fear.
Once upon a time, there was a knight that came to a damsel in order for them to rescue one another. He was tall, dark, and handsome, such as the fairy tales go.
Let me start again. A guy walks into a bar, and the girl ordering a drink says, “Why the cute face?”
No, no. That’s not right.
There once was a guy from Lake Jackson, who met a girl that gave his heart a reaction.
Uh, no. This story is not a fairy tale, or a joke, or even a limerick. This story is about crossing your fears to get to the other side. Well, that part may sound like a play on the chicken-and-the-road thing but read on and you’ll understand.
As a small child, I didn’t have many examples of real love, but I faced fear in a sweet way. “I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don’t feel so bad.” Those lyrics from one of the songs from the movie The Sound of Music were a repeated refrain for me. I lived in poor and meager conditions, so “raindrops on roses” or “whiskers on kittens’” was not the typical go-to for me.
The song, though, helped to remind me to think of things that I liked during scary times, like Frankenstein-foot ice cream pops with a grape gumball on his big toe; or like dancing in front of the television when it was turned off so that I could see my bouncing reflection and dream of becoming a big star someday.
When I was a teenager, true love was something I read about in books, so I ditched the song for a more rapid and practical approach to face my fears: I would simply tell myself to not be afraid. Whether I was verbose about it, making it my mantra, or it was an internalized dialogue that couldn’t be heard by others, that was my way of alleviating and facing my fears.
For the majority of my adulthood, I have had my faith to lean on when it comes to facing things that scare me. I know my God loves me, goes before me, behind me, and beside me, even though there are things in this crazy world that tend to build fear and anxiety in all of us. But faith hasn’t always been the way as a ‘grown up’. There were the times I turned to the things of this world to distract me from my fear. But as I grew in my faith, “don’t be afraid” or “don’t be frightened” just took on a different and deeper meaning.
I was at an early point in that part of my journey when I met him. We had a mutual friend who had set up after-work billiards and cocktails. Well, not exactly. For the sake of the heart, allow me to stay transparent. We were at a pool hall / bar / grill, with the least of the three being a grill. The group was supposed to be the mutual friend, a guy he had grown up with, and a friend of mine. My friend ended up sick and in bed, so it wound up being three of us headed to Rowdy’s Pool Hall Bar & Grill. As I sat in the hard, wooden chair near the pool tables, the front door of the grill (um, bar) door opened.
Picture this: “Let’s Get It On” or even “I’m Too Sexy” playing in the background, intense wind in the air briskly blowing through his hair, and him with a slow-motion walk that would stop a clock. Of course in reality, there was clanking and clattering of pool balls, drinks being clinked, and Hank Williams, Jr. playing too loudly on the jukebox. Also in real life, I had no idea he was there as part of the group because I had never met him before. But I sure saw him. Everyone saw him. He was stunning. He was gorgeous. He was HAWT. HE WAS HEADED MY WAY!
Very suddenly, there was a strange voice coming from inside my spirit. “Meet your husband.” NO THANK YOU, Voice. As I heard it again, he strolled right up to the table. The mutual friend introduced us and as Prince Charming’s hand was extended in a greeting, I found myself thinking, “Oh, no. This guy gets all the girls. Let’s not be foolish.” And my wrist went limp in the air as I offered the sort of hand that a Queen does when she expects to be curtsied to; like in a kiss-my-ring kind of way. There was a bevy of butterflies in my tummy as his hand touched mine.
As he sat down, I heard the voice again. “This is your husband.” Memories started to smoke within me. I had such a sordid history of toxic relationships within all categories of people in my life. I had already decided no more. I had also vowed that not one more person would be able to penetrate the guarded walls I had so solidly built. Certainly not this guy, who probably had a multitude of paramours to pull from whenever he wanted! And the apprehension began.
We played a few games of pool, to which I put the smack-down upon him - though to this day he smirks and insists he “let me win” - and I continued to hear that confounded voice telling me I had met the man I would marry. The louder the voice became, the more the fear factor intensified.
It grew late and the mutual friend decided to leave. “Stay here with your future husband” I heard from deep within. I started the inner conciliation of olde, telling myself there was nothing to be afraid of, but it wasn’t working. I even began singing the great song of yore internally to remember my favorite things! But he was already my favorite thing.
As the night wore on, I grew fonder of this stunning cavalier. His inward charms were working, and his outward beauty didn’t hurt, either. We decided to leave the bar, grab a snack of tortillas chips, ranch, and salsa at my suggestion, and find a spot for a nighttime tailgate picnic. And as the night expanded, we spent hours talking, getting to know one another, into the wee hours of the early morn.
Now Folks, this next part may sound like I’m right back to the fairy tale makeover, but I promise it’s all true: the moon was full and round in a black, clear-of-clouds sky, the air was thick with the steamy humidity only a Texas night in June can bring, but still, there was a warm, mild breeze blowing, and there was some soft music playing from the radio inside the cab of his truck. As we sat on the tailgate with all of those stars aligning, I found his angel face staring at me.
I knew it. I could feel what he was feeling. He wanted to kiss me! As we gazed into each other’s eyes, my heart began to pound. I could hear it in my ears. Did I look all right in the moonlight? Was I giving too many encouraging vibes?? DID I HAVE SALSA IN MY TEETH???
And then I said it. I said it all right. Out loud. I said the words that still ring loudly to me to this day. I said it with a wry little smile on my face. I SAID IT. Those three…little…words.
“DON’T BE SCARED.”
Looking back, I think I may have been talking to myself, actually. Knowing what I felt in my soul, knowing what lay ahead, especially after what I had put behind me. And for whatever was happening in that moment that made me afraid, I would feel a little better if I just SAID IT.
And he smiled. And he leaned in. And he put his husband-to-be lips on mine. And I thought I would cry. Effectively, he did not try to be the guy who thought this would lead to anything more than a gentle touch of our lips together. He was reverent and considerate of my dignity. And as swiftly as he had leaned in, he pulled away with such ease, stared directly into my eyes, and smiled a smile that he has beamed at me every day that we’ve been together since.
I loved him. Immediately. And he loved me, too. Though it would be months of friendship and a few months more of dating before either of us would say so. But it wasn’t because we were “scared”, as it were. It was because we wanted to be wise; for this to be right. We had both been through the wringer and wanted to make certain we understood the mutual respect we deserved, had earned, and wanted to continue to forge together. We wanted to make better decisions…without fear.
He repeats those words I spoke to him that night as he tells The Kiddos and The Grittles the story. And he tells it all the time. We raise our glasses any time we hear the phrase spoken out loud whether stranger, relative, or friend alike, and we always kind of giggle about it together. The Kiddos tease me about it, often saying, “Mom, don’t be scared!” to remind me playfully of that precious-but-powerful statement. I tend to turn a little red in the face and hot behind the ears in surprising embarrassment, but it still brings a grin to my face and joy to my heart. Mostly because I’m NOT scared. There is nothing to be afraid of.
Do you sometimes feel fear creeping up no matter the stage of life you’re in? Do you hear thoughts of fearful possibilities that polarize you? Have you been in situations that have the potential to bring love and joy, but your fears drown them like quicksand?
You could sing a little song, or say a little mantra. You can try to shield the fearful thoughts by reminding yourself of things you like. You could turn to the things of this world that will only distract you. Or you could know YOU ARE LOVED. Whether it’s your partner, your children, your siblings, your friends, or God Himself. YOU ARE LOVED.
Make the decision to learn from the history your past has brought you. Allow it to make you stronger, wiser; BETTER. Know you deserve and have earned respect, so long as you give it mutually. Forge on with a solemn vow to make healthy decisions without fear. In fact, you must cross your fears to get to the other side.
The story of your life will never be a fairy tale, nor is it a joke or a limerick. It’s the culmination of the joy you choose, decisions you make, and the legacy you create. We have this one life we’ve been given. Pursue things that will create a peaceful mind, body, and spirit for the sake of It.
Don’t be scared.